All articles written by: Amy Carpentieri

Self Love, Personal Growth
Body Self Love

Stop Sugar-Coating Self Loathing and Become a Self Love Rockstar

This morning I was in a yoga class and while in downward dog pose, I noticed there was a gap in my shirt around the waist area. Suddenly I could not concentrate on anything else. Could they see my post-baby belly? Was anyone noticing the disgusting view? Whispers like this went on an on until I found a moment in a pose where I could lightly tuck my shirt in. I could not concentrate on anything else (in a yoga class no less), other than something about myself I don’t like at all. Actually no, that’s not true. This is something about myself I loathe. The truth is I doubt anyone else actually gives a crap about me and my body. They probably are too busy focusing on their own self image.

I don’t like to admit it, because someone that has been on a personal growth journey as long as I have “should” have it all together and think love and rosey thoughts all the time, right? Well this rockstar doesn’t, and some days are harder than others. So what do I do about it? Being vulnerable and sharing about it helps.

I used to try and slap pretty sounding affirmations on top of the self loathing, like icing on a mud pie. I then wondered why I didn’t feel better, or why I wasn’t getting the results I wanted. I have also tried ignoring the negative voices, which only makes them louder. I also went to the other extreme of working through issues in all different kinds of healing modalities. In general, taking the time to be introspective and get support in clearing issues is a great thing. In my case though, so much focus on issues only perpetuated more issues and I felt worse.

At the end of the day, for me being a self love rockstar is about taking action in several ways:

  • Acknowledging those whispers when they come- not pretending they are not there
  • Shifting my focus away from myself all the time and onto giving or being around others.
  • Finding things about myself to be grateful for (there is always at least one thing- like my breath, my limbs, my teeth, my ability to think, my intelligence, etc.)
  • Doing healing work periodically to help clear deep-rooted beliefs and patterns that are hiding under the surface

Finally, I remind myself that we are all on a journey. Journeys are supposed to be fun and why am I taking myself so seriously? Then I smile (like right now), even if it feels like a fake smile. I feel better already, how about you?

The challenge this week Self Love Rockstars, is to work your own process with this- don’t be afraid to look under the covers and see what’s hiding out, but don’t hang out there either. Giddy up!

Self Love Rockstar Energy
Body Self Love

From Lethargy to Self Love Rockstar Energy

I used to hear my alarm and hit snooze three times before I ever got up, then felt sluggish all morning. I even bought a “zen” alarm clock with a pleasant chime (although not so pleasant when I was trying to go back to sleep) and still woke up lethargic. No matter how much sleep I got (even 10 hours a night during some points in my life), I still felt tired throughout the day. I thought, “If I could just get enough sleep I’d feel better.” Somehow there was never enough sleep. The more sleep I got, the more tired and lazy I felt. Can you relate to this?

I thought this was just the way I was made. “Some people need less sleep than me,”

was my thought. Or if we get into the whole “pre-Self Love Rockstar” self image, a deeper belief was, “Something is wrong with me. I’m broken and other people are not.” I tried to drink coffee for more energy, but that only upset my stomach and made me all jittery. At some point I don’t consciously remember, I settled and accepted that life was just like that for me.

Change Your Physiological State by Moving Your Body

Anyhoo that was a long time ago (thank goodness). It all changed when I went to a seminar that was unlike any other seminar I’d been to before. There were long hours with few breaks, and not a lot of opportunity to sleep my (at that time) standard 8 hours a night. We were up early until very late and I felt incredible! The speaker was Tony Robbins, and he was talking about how one of the ways we can change our physiological state is by moving our bodies. He basically said that when we sit around and “relax,” we don’t get more energized, we get more tired.  Something clicked in my brain and I realized that all these years I had a belief that, “if I just rest enough, I’ll have more energy.” But that never happened. So I thought I would give this new concept a try.

To be clear, I’m not suggesting any one of you doesn’t sleep at all (I still like to sleep 6-7 hours a night ideally), but the time spent awake is what is different now. When I wake up, I have conditioned myself to pretty much jump out of bed with a thought something like, “Let’s do this!” This sounds nuts, but it works! I hardly ever hit the snooze button, and if I do it’s for like 2 or 3 minutes (and it’s rare). My whole morning is shaped differently as a result of this one shift- of getting up out of bed with the intention of feeling energized. Again, this sounds almost too good to be true, but starting the day with intention like this makes a huge difference! Get your Rockstar Badass self up in the mornings!

This week’s challenge rockstars is to TRY THIS! Tomorrow morning when you wake up let yourself get up and psyche yourself into feeling energized (even if you have to “fake it ‘til you make it.”) Think of a phrase you like, such as, “Let’s Do This,” or, “Giddy Up,” or “I am unstoppable.” Giddy up Rockstars!

 

Self Love, Personal Growth
Rockstar Awesomesauce

Self Love, Hypnosis, Divorce, and Financial Abundance

Sooo… if you are like I was in the past then you’ve heard about hypnosis either in movies (like “Now You See Me” or “Shallow Hal”), or you have heard about people using hypnosis to lose weight or quit smoking. Recently I have learned about a whole different kind of hypnosis called “hypnotherapy.”

I know that Self Love Rockstars love the path of least resistance. We always ask, “What is the easiest and most ‘in the flow’ way to feel good, love ourselves, and to thrive?” We talk about changing our state, moving our bodies, immersing ourselves in workshops, listening to music with subliminal messages, and now we are adding hypnotherapy.

At SLR, we are all about exploring these tools together, and I had a profound hypnotherapy session recently. The idea of “getting out of my head” and going under the surface to the subconscious has always been appealing to me. So many of us are stuck “in our head” and have a challenging time getting to the emotions, or “root” of issues so they can heal. Using the subconscious can be a great solution.

Stuck in a Past Experience?

What I didn’t realize before is that beliefs and experiences from the past (sometimes really way, way past) can keep us “stuck” now all these years later, in a revolving, repeating pattern. This was the revelation from the session I had last week. Here is what happened.

I was working on the issue of financial abundance and we had identified some beliefs and feelings I had about money in a previous session. During this session we went over the beliefs and feelings about money after I was hypnotized and I surprisingly regressed to the moment where I was around 5 and my dad sat me in the room and told me he and my mom were getting a divorce. I started crying and feeling super emotional in the session. I was not counting on that at all!

Divorce and Financial Abundance

I didn’t realize there was a connection with financial abundance and my parents getting divorced, but it was there with younger me. She was crying and apologizing for asking him and my mom to buy the bigger house and feeling like it was her fault they were getting a divorce because of all the fighting about money. All these years later and these beliefs were hanging out in my subconscious and affecting my abundance?!? What else is hanging out there?

The practitioner went on to review the previous list of beliefs one at a time, replacing each negative belief with a positive one- having adult me guide the 5 year old the truth vs. the belief and confirming she believed it. This process felt amazing- like I was being stitched together one healing light band aid at a time. It was beautiful how much light I felt- and then she asked the adult me if there was anything else i wanted to share with 5 yr old me- I shared many beads of wisdom- about our brilliance and gifts, about how loved and whole we are, and about setting boundaries and respecting ourselves, and about connection and being whole. It was so beautiful and deep.

Being hypnotized was amazing… i was totally aware of what was happening, but I knew I was hypnotized by the responsiveness evaluations she did- it is truly amazing. Now I am integrating and feeling my way around. I am so grateful and happy to let go of beliefs to have been carrying around for FORTY years!

I definitely went out of my comfort zone using hypnotherapy, and I’m so glad I did. The challenge for all of you Rockstars is to try a form of healing you haven’t explored before and really go for it! Giddy Up Rockstars!

self love, personal growth
Rockstar Awesomesauce

Blame for the Bad AND the Good Like a Rockstar

I live in South Florida. We just endured Hurricane Irma and our family was very, very fortunate. For the week leading up to the actual hurricane, I avoided listening to any commentary and just checked the map for updates really often. Otherwise I would not have felt very rockstar-like. I would have felt more like an anxiety freak. Sometimes looking at the projected path was scarier, but I knew that if I listened to any newscaster they were going to dramatize every situation even more.

What ended up happening is that many family members ended up staying in our home (19 of us to be exact- 22 if you count pets). Well, to be really accurate, we saw a frog hiding in the shutters after the storm so technically there were 23 of us. All things considered we actually had a really great time together, and everyone stayed out of everyone else’s way amazingly. We all cooked, cleaned, and played lots and lots of cards and games. The kids made forts. If it wasn’t for the hurricane I would have called it a vacation. As I said we were very, very fortunate.

Afterwards, as we clean up whatever messes the storm made, and patiently (and sometimes not so patiently) wait for all the hard working people to get power and cable back on for everyone, I’m reminded of a teaching Tony Robbins gives about blame. I know that many people that have lost everything in this storm (as well as from Hurricane Harvey). They may want to blame someone, something, or God. Tony shares that if we are going to blame for the bad stuff,  we also need to blame for the good things that arise out of those experiences.  (warning explicit)  

The reminder to blame for both the bad AND the good is so important, especially when things feel like they really “suck.” For example, I got to know some family members in a way I never would have without the hurricane. Being in a confined space for a longer period of time enabled way more bonding and connection than we’ve had before. We also all had an opportunity to contribute afterwards and help our family and neighbors to rebuild. The list of “the good stuff” goes on and on.

I still feel tender about the experience… and scared with other storms looming as I write this. At the same time though, I am grateful for the blessings that come from the struggle.

The challenge for you rockstars is to think of something in your past where you have been blaming others (or even yourself) and then find at least one good thing to “blame” for as well. Giddy up rockstars!

lasting change
Rockstar Awesomesauce

How to Create Lasting Change for Self Love Rockstars

Have you ever thought something like, “I should quit smoking,” or “I should go to the gym,” or, “I should take better care of myself,” and then not changed a thing? Sure, we all have. Things stay the same and we feel bad about not making the changes we know we “should” make. We can create lasting change by turning shoulds into musts.

Create Lasting Change

The first time I went to Tony Robbin’s seminar, Unleash the Power Within, I was riveted. I learned so much, even though many of the concepts and teachings I already “knew” intuitively on some level. One such teaching was about “turning shoulds into musts.” The jest of it is that change doesn’t happen until something we know we “should” do becomes something we know we “must” do. To see a brief clip from Tony directly teaching about this, Turn Ordinary into Extraordinary

I reflected on what “shoulds” I had turned into “musts” up to that point in my life. One example of something that had become a must for me and my family was eating mostly healthy and organic foods. I had been learning how to cook and what foods were good to prepare, etc. at the time. The more I learned, the more I realized how important it was to feed my family and self the healthiest options possible. Meaning, if I were going to make a birthday cake, I was going to use organic sugar… things like that.

There were many other shoulds that had not become musts, however. I was not in the shape I wanted to be in. I had very little energy a lot of the time. I was not following my dreams or living as passionately as I wanted.

Then came Unleash the Power Within. I felt propelled to a new level and created new “musts” for myself. I have never looked back. One must for me was to have more energy and be in better shape. Without energy we can’t be passionate or reach our goals effectively. I joined a gym within days of getting back from the seminar and have never worked out less than 3 days a week since. In fact, I regularly enjoy working out 6 days- going because I want to! I literally look at the workout classes and plan my schedule around when I’m going to the gym! That would never have happened a few years ago. I would never have woken up at 5 am to exercise. What? No way! But something happened inside me- I connected enough emotionally to what I wanted and why, and realized that in this one area (health), this was now non-negotiable. This was no longer a “should.”

Now, to be fair, there are other areas in my life where I still have “shoulds” that I’m working on committing as “musts.” I would like to take more daily action career-wise. I feel I “should” be writing at least once a day instead of twice per week. I realize that until I connect enough dots emotionally to what I want and why, it will remain a “should.” As of today I am committing to write every single day. I am turning this “should” into a “must.”

Who is with me?

Who has at least one “should” they would like to change to a “must” right NOW? Let’s do this together. The challenge for this week rockstars is to change one should into a must. This can be as small as committing to look at yourself in the mirror once a day and smiling at yourself or saying “You Rock!” at yourself, or as big as making a health or work change. Let’s do this rockstars!

body self love, self care, personal growth
Body Self Love

Self Love Rockstar Confessions of a Sugarholic

Every since I can remember, I have loved sweets. When I was in elementary school, I would sneak over and buy candy at school whenever I could. At the grocery store I practiced my puppy dog stare at the bakery section until a nice person behind the counter asked if I wanted to sample a cookie. It didn’t matter that I am lactose intolerant and have a pretty strong reaction to any kind of dairy products (like chocolate for example). I suffered the consequences and pretty much had a stuffy nose throughout childhood, despite my mother’s best efforts.

In junior high and high school, I took pride in my ability to eat the most candy out of everyone (probably the way some drinkers take pride in their ability to ‘hold their liquor”). I never thought about it as a problem or issue until recently.

When I started dieting in high school, I found all kinds of unhealthy artificial alternatives so I could still have my “sweets.” First I switched to “nonfat” items and later I switched to honey, maple syrup, and organic sugar. I still felt the daily pull and cravings. I could never have enough sugar. It wasn’t until about 7 months ago when I started a new way of eating and decided to go “cold turkey” with sugar, that things really changed. Confession #1- I still use stevia, which is still a sweetener.

Turning the Corner to Self Love

Anyway I’m doing much better now (am in great shape and overall eat incredibly healthy), but still have those days where I fall off the cliff- probably similar to any addict. Thinking of the pull towards sugar as an addiction has been helpful because it allows me to not minimize the intensity of the addiction. Confession #2- if I have a day where I let myself eat whatever I want, I tend to go really overboard and feel really nauseous afterward (like when I was growing up).

Why do I put myself through the fight? Again, I am no expert in addiction, but I am sure there are correlations with any type of addiction. Here is a happy confession (#3)- the next day I wake up and ALWAYS go back to my routine. I go to the gym and cut out all sweets including Stevia. Screw you sugar addiction- I always win in the end!

For me, the self love rockstar part is forgiving myself and as Louise Hay says “loving myself anyway”- all of me so-to-speak… even the part that still feels like it gets nourishment from sugar or sweets.

I read somewhere once that people who are drawn to sweets need more overall sweetness in their life. I feel so rich in sweetness already… so not sure emotionally what I am looking for… maybe some safety or security? Confession#4- I don’t even really enjoy the food while I’m eating it.

Also for the final and most embarrassing confession, and this is why I generally don’t have any sugar- I never feel satisfied. I could just go on and on and it doesn’t fill the void of whatever I think it’s going to fill when I start eating it- the only reason I stop is because I feel sick.

There are my confessions- open and vulnerable. I am going to love myself anyway. Your turn rockstars… find something you feel vulnerable about and share it with someone (even if it’s just yourself in the mirror) ,or share it with us- and then love yourself anyway. Giddy up rockstars!

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