I’m not sure exactly what it is, but for some reason even though many of us have tons of resources and tools we can use to feel good and love ourselves more.  It seems like we inconveniently forget them from time to time. Haven’t you ever heard someone say (or said yourself), “I know, I know, I need to do that.” or “Oh yes I forgot- I will do that right away?” I’m not sure why we forget the tools except that we sometimes block ourselves from receiving happiness.

Here is an example, I was out of town and staying in a hotel for the night close to the airport. In a different hotel room was another self love rockstar. I heard the airport (and saw the courtesy ear plugs) and instead went to YouTube and found an awesome “sleep reprogramming” music/affirmation combo to play for 6 hours. I slept fantastic. My friend, on the other hand, slept terrible. When I mentioned the affirmation music she said, “Of course, why didn’t I think of that?” and then that evening proceeded to use a tool she already knew about but had forgotten.

There are tons of examples like that. Whenever I hear about a specific kind of meditation or starting the day with the right intention it always reignites my passion to have that daily practice in my life. Why do I ever stop? To say “I get busy” doesn’t feel like a good enough answer. I guess I stop making it a priority for some reason.

The point is, there are TONS of rockstar tools we all know… but forget. So that is why we need to hear them, read about them, get trainings about them, and be reminded again and again…  until the practice of using them is so ingrained we do not forget.

Another example is going to live seminars. I went to a Tony Robbins “Unleash the Power Within” seminar 2 years ago and then went again almost a year ago. The actual basic content was the same, but I got so much more the second time. Why? The main reason is that  I was reminded of the tools and resources to help me change my emotional state. After the second time going to the seminar, I more deeply incorporated the practices and tools I learned because as Tony says, I got them more “in my body.” In other words, I have made made using the tools more of a habit.

Challenge for the week: assess your toolbox and pick a resource you haven’t used in a while and use it this week. I am going to use the “talking to my intuition” tool I’m enjoying (thanks to Jess Lively). Let’s go for it rockstars! Giddy up!

Yesterday I got absolutely blasted by another person, Self Love Rockstars. Somehow my actions caused a really strong re-action inside of him and he wanted to let me know (in detail) for almost 45 minutes.

Now, I consider myself to be an effective, open communicator on the whole, so the conversation threw me for a loop.

Of course I felt those lingering “Crap, I did something wrong” voices come up while he was speaking, but thanks to the rockstar work I’ve been doing I was able to distance myself from those voices and listen from a more “contained” space. By “contained” I mean neutral and somewhat distant in terms of not taking his words “in”.

Also, I quickly ascertained that no matter what I said I would not be able to make things right with him. I did try, believe me. I apologized for the misunderstanding and miscommunication several times. I acknowledged him and what he was saying, even though I did offer an alternative perspective. Still though, after the whole long uncomfortable conversation, he said that I “dismissed” him and was not satisfied.

So what do I do with that? Well first I was really pissed. I wasted my time on that call with him when I could have ended it after 5 minutes if I’d have known the result would have been the same! Then I felt bad. Then the voices of me making a mistake tried to creep in louder. What could I have done differently? All of that. I used self-talk to silence those voices and move on, but did reflect on what I could learn from the whole interaction.

In our family we have been working to embrace the “failing forward” concept of making mistakes. I made a big mistake. I mean, not in the grand scheme of things because there are no mistakes… but I was careless and in a rush and this guy felt unimportant and insulted. Now even though I am not responsible for his feelings, I definitely got the message from the Universe telling me to slow down and pay more attention to details.

Back to taking things personally. This person’s reaction really had NOTHING to do with me- at all. He was in whatever space he was in and his perception and interpretation of an action brought up emotions for him. Other people’s reactions are NEVER about you. How we react to other’s reactions is all about us, and that’s what we can shift. But I couldn’t make it better for this man at all. He was where he was and while I apologized and acknowledged him, I did not cower to him because that would not honor me. At any point he could have communicated with me (instead of creating a bunch of misperceptions and getting upset). No one is a victim and we are all responsible for ourselves.

So rockstars… the challenge for today is to reflect back on a recent (or not so recent) argument you had with someone that was blaming you for something. Notice what your reactions were (or are when you think of it now) and remind yourself that the other person’s reactions and emotions are theirs alone. You do not have to take on the burden of other people’s emotions and happiness. You can send them love but you are only responsible for you and again, we are not victims. Giddy up rockstars!

Being a rockstar- a true self love rockstar, feels like it’s all about playing full out and setting high standards for ourselves. This makes life fun, exciting, and helps us thrive and fully embody our own brilliance. Sometimes though… more often than not, that lifestyle can create a “Go! Go! Go!” mentality where we don’t really stop, breathe, and reflect.

Life is all about balance. Working all the time isn’t so great and playing all  the time isn’t either. Even if we love what we do for work… taking a break (especially for you entrepreneurs out there) is essential to increasing success. When we take a break to be present and stop for just a moment throughout the day- the difference in our quality of life and in the rest of our productivity is measurable.

What kinds of things am I talking about? It can be as simple and small as stopping and taking a deep breath periodically throughout the day. It can be rejuvenating with nature by going for a walk/run. Taking a break can happen connecting with friends or family, or even watching a funny movie to replenish our inner cups.

When we do things totally unrelated to work, even if only for a few hours, we come back to work  refreshed and with new ideas. It helps us flow downstream instead of fighting the current in terms of ideas, solutions, and overall success in both our personal and professional lives.

This weekend I did my typical wrap up Friday evening from the week- carrying forward the tasks I didn’t have a chance to complete and organizing them for Monday. Then I did not open my computer until Sunday night (now at 9 pm). I DID NOT OPEN IT ONCE!

Sometimes I am bubbling over with ideas and can’t wait to get to work, but this weekend I really enjoyed spending time with family and having “me” time. I even took a bath! Maybe that doesn’t seem like a big deal, but with 3 kids it’s a big deal to squeeze in a bath!

The point is that now I have more to give- to work… to myself… to my husband… to my children… and to the world.

Meghan Trainor has a great song “I love me” that I play around the house so the kids can hear it and get used to being self love rockstars too… I never grew up hearing that we should love ourselves first- I grew up thinking that was selfish! Now I know better… when we nurture ourselves first, our own proverbial  cups overflow and we can serve others.

Part of filling our cups comes from not pushing or “doing” all the time. Even if it’s challenging. Take a break! Even if you aren’t comfortable with a whole weekend or whole day, take an hour or two.

The challenge for the next week is to take a break (in your own way). Commit to giving yourself some time to focus on things other than work. Share with us what you are doing and we can support each other. Giddy up rockstars!

Even though intellectually I understand that the only constant aspect in our lives is change, I still struggle with it sometimes. A false sense of security comes from having a routine and things seeming the same on the outside, even though in reality things are always changing… and it feels comforting somehow. Then something happens- it can be as small as dinner plans changing or as big as a move to another state- and it can feel like the carpet is pulled out from under me. Have you ever felt that way? How do I get comfortable with change?

Yet that is the illusion of it all- things change around us all the time! We cannot control anything around us whatsoever- certainly not nature, the environment, or definitely not other people (unfortunately).

Of course there is one way we can gain security and control with practice. Can you guess?

How Do I Get Comfortable With Change?

We can control ourselves. Yep- our SELVES. Specifically, we can control how we react, feel, and act in every moment. We can decide right now to feel good or smile regardless of what is going on around us, whether we are stuck in traffic or holding a crying baby in the night. We of course can also choose to feel bad. It’s up to us. Go ahead and try it now- smile (for at least 5 seconds)… it feels good!

The great thing about knowing this truth about having control and choosing how we feel and act  is that we can learn how. It would have been amazing if we all grew up in schools that taught us more about emotional intelligence, self control, and other amazing life tools. Thank goodness It is never too late to learn.

One of the best ways hands down to get in touch with you and your process is by going to a live event like Tony Robbin’s Unleash the Power Within- where you are immersed for several days in implementing this exact practice of becoming aware of your feelings (state) and learning how to shift gears when you want to. The empowerment that comes from knowing that you can feel good and are in control of YOU and your reactions is incredible.

Another great tool is listening to Louise Hay’s lectures online about changing the way we think using positive affirmations. She even recommends listening to them in the background while doing other things so that the messages sink into our subconscious.

An important note here is to be gentle with yourself in learning new tools… patterns can sometimes take a bit to shift- not always but sometimes. Celebrate small accomplishments and steps forward. Before you know it you will be several steps higher, and then higher on your path. Let’s enjoy the journey and become change welcoming rockstars! Go out of your way to create change and do things differently. Take a different route to work! Walk down different paths or shop in different stores than you are accustomed to- let’s do this!

Rockstar Challenge:

For the next 3 days do at least one thing different from the routine (even if it’s eating a different breakfast than you are used to)! And share it in the comments section below. We will do this too! Giddy up rockstars!