All articles written by: Amy Carpentieri

Self Love, Personal Growth, Self Love Rockstar
Rockstar Awesomesauce

Self Love and Setting Boundaries

More and more people in the personal growth space are talking about “setting boundaries.” What does that mean? I always visualize a boundary as literally taking a stick and drawing a line in the sand in front of me creating a personal space. If someone is speaking to me disrespectfully or rude, I will mention something about it and “set a boundary.” I am not rude about it, and I didn’t always feel comfortable doing it. Now it feels amazing. Setting a boundary can be as polite as, “Please don’t speak to me that way,” or simply walking away. A good question to ask yourself is whether or not you have healthy boundaries with others.

Do you find yourself more comfortable letting someone say something rude to you and making an excuse for them rather than calling them out on it? Do you give in to your parents or children when they want something to avoid confrontation? What about with work… are you taken advantage of in that environment or do you find yourself taking on more projects than you truly feel comfortable with?

One of the side effects of having a lack of self love in one’s life is also an issue with setting boundaries and “claiming” space. If we don’t feel worthy to even love ourselves, who are we to ask someone to stop doing something or leave us alone? In the journey of loving ourselves more, a great exercise is to practice setting healthy boundaries in all areas of your life- with loved ones, friends, colleagues, even bosses or other authority figures.

How?

Starting small is key. Start at the bottom of a staircase setting little boundaries and take one step at a time. Before you know it you will look back and be halfway up the stairs with confidence and healthy boundaries. An example of a small boundary step would be as simple as not taking action right away on something requested of you, or saying “yes” right away. Instead of answering a call, replying to an email right away, or saying “sure,” before committing to something you may not really feel like doing, instead consider pausing or saying “let me check” or “let me think about that.” This sends a message to the Universe that says “my needs are important.”

A bigger step may be declining an invitation somewhere (even if you don’t have other plans— just because you don’t want to go!) or not taking care of something right away for work. I’m not suggesting everyone gets fired for not doing their job- simply that sometimes prioritization means that all work does not get completed (at the expense of your quality of life) and that it doesn’t honor you or show your rockstar self love yumminess to let other people dictate what you do, when you do it, and how often.

I’m saying that- yes here it comes— it is OKAY to be “self-ish” and for those escalating the staircase journey of self love, it is ESSENTIAL!

Rockstar Self Love Challenge for the week- say “no” to someone or something at least 2 times this week and see how it feels! (For those of you who find this easy we will have a “say yes” challenge in the near future too) 🙂 A great song is Meghan Trainor’s “No” to get you started. Giddy up rockstars!

Self Love, Personal Growth, Self Love Rockstar
Body Self Love

Self Love, The Gym, and Famous People

Growing up in Miami Beach, I was constantly exposed to many women that fit the mold of “beautiful” in our society- these women were young-looking, in shape, and polished, everywhere around me all the time. I distinctly remember when I went to college in Boston what a different experience it was to see people of many different shapes, sizes, styles, and overall appearance than what I was used to. And when we moved to an artsy town in West Virginia for a few years I got some perspective (and a break) in terms of values and what felt important when it came to appearance.

When we moved back to Miami Beach almost 5 years ago it was a new experience, even worse in some ways because now I was surrounded by moms dropping off their children- all wearing workout clothes (whether they were working out or not) and almost all a size 6 or under… mostly. The pressure was on again. It’s not that I didn’t want to be healthier and feel better about myself, but the energy of “keeping up with the Jones’s” was definitely there…” I did the best I could in those few years- buying more flattering clothing that hid the right spots and highlighted others… walked and worked out when I could- and tried to be gentle with myself and not self loathing of my body as much as possible.

Then about 1 year and a half ago, after a powerful Unleash the Power Within, I finally became motivated to actually join a gym. I hadn’t felt that desire in over 10 years! I joined a kickboxing gym that was hard core and fun! I would still be going there except we moved a few months ago about 45 minutes away from that gym, to a great neighborhood with great schools…. And joined a new gym. Don’t get me wrong this gym is great, but… there are TVS and strobe lights during some of the classes. What a completely different experience!

I took a spin class a few weeks ago and there were music videos on. All the self loathing voices came flooding in, “you don’t look like that. Look how beautiful their bodies are… look how tall they are… look at those curves…” and on and on. I left the gym feeling worse about myself than if I had gone. WTF?

Normally I do not watch music videos or a lot of TV (other than movies I select). I do not buy magazines and try to avoid whatever tabloids are showing at the grocery store. But here, in the gym, were videos of other women I could not avoid. How to make peace with that?

My body is mine, and it changes all the time. What I want more than a “beautiful” by my standards body, is one that works amazingly well, providing me energy and vitality to accomplish anything I want and feel great.

For the record, I have never gone back to that particular class and have since found more enjoyable workouts that lend themselves to more self confidence and a positive self image. The moral of the story is:
Protect yourself from the stimulus you let in around you (magazines, TV, social media, etc.)
Create the environment that is best and most supportive for you (be in in a gym, at work, or at home)
Be gentle with yourself. If you notice you are feeling bad about yourself, use this EFT guide from Brad Yates, or this Louise Hay mirror exercise. .

The challenge this week rockstars is to highlight (or find) ONE supportive environment where you feel great about yourself. This can be in the bathroom looking in the mirror and smiling at yourself for a few minutes a day. Let’s keep this simple. Giddy up rockstars!

Self Love, Personal Growth, Weight Loss
Body Self Love

Getting Support When We Need it- A Self Love Weight Loss Journey

Okay rockstars… I know that you are all awesome and want to conquer the world on your own… BUT- and I’m sure you can see where this might be going (if the title hasn’t given this away already)- sometimes receiving support is really the next step… or at least the path of least resistance. Yes we have to rely on ourselves in terms of controlling our thoughts and being aware of our emotions. Yes we are the only ones in charge of ourselves and all of that. HOWEVER, sometimes we need support. What do I mean?

Support can come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes support is the smallest gesture, such as someone opening a door for us, or giving us a compliment that reminds us of our beauty or great taste in style. Other times support is emotional in nature, like when we call a friend, or go to a seminar to catapult the next stage in personal growth. And also there is teacher/student support, when we open ourselves to learn- this can be in a classroom, via reading a book, watching a video, or any number of methods when we are in “learning” mode.

I found myself in a place recently where I needed emotional support. Even though I am super healthy, eat organic, have done lots of diets, and workout regularly, I have finally come to the place where I am ready for some support to be healthier and shift eating patterns that don’t give me the desired result I want (a.k.a. a more energized, healed, sexy body). I am happy to finally be in this place of receiving support because I had been stuck for a long time. The pattern was knowing what I needed to do/eat, but not following through, then beating myself up about it, then letting the vicious cycle repeat itself again the next day. I’m sure none of you rockstars can relate right?

So what did I do? I looked online and found a weight loss center (yes I did) with tons of great reviews. I had never done this before and definitely felt my own hesitancy about this, “Oh these things never work,” and “Oh they aren’t healthy” and all of that. So I sat with it and then decided to call the center to get a vibe for what to expect. The person that answered the phone was extremely helpful, informative, and yes you guessed it- supportive. I instantly felt the energy of,  “I don’t have to do this alone” and just like that- I made the decision to go for it.

Truth be told I have not learned that much that I did not know before in terms of nutrition and what to eat- but I now have the SUPPORT I need to make the choices I’ve wanted to make for a long time, and it makes all the difference in the world. I’m already feeling lighter, clearer, and less pulled to the sugar addiction from before. I know that every week, I will go and receive more emotional support, along with some healthy nutrition ideas, etc. I am ready to be a free self love rockstar that doesn’t need any particular food or beverage to feel good except some good inner self love awesome sauce.
So the challenge for all of you rockstars this week  is to find something you would love some support with (small or big) and go get you some… and share with us so we can give you some emotional love high five support! Giddy up!

Self Love, Personal Growth, Meditation, Self Love Rockstar
Rockstar Awesomesauce

Finding Rockstar Power When We Feel Powerless

Do you ever have that feeling? The feeling like a pit in your stomach? Maybe after experiencing a loss of some kind, or a breakup, or a natural disaster, or something crazy with the government like a vote passing or someone you didn’t want to get elected getting elected?

This morning I woke up with a heavy sadness about something I felt incredibly powerless about. I felt the pit in my stomach. I noticed my thoughts wanting to swirl into a dark abyss.  I reined them in. I had to continue doing this throughout the day and am still continuing to do it now. Emotions seem to come in waves for me so when the waves come, I have to ride it until it passes, and help it along.

The feeling of powerlessness or helplessness sucks… and it’s not real. I mean, of course the external circumstances are “real” in that they are happening whether or not I want them to, Yes the situation is “real” in that it’s occurred.  But I am never powerless. I always have ONE THING I can control and be powerful over… how I choose to feel and perceive what is around me.

Most people think the concept of “choosing” how we feel is strange because it hasn’t really been taught. People don’t generally teach us how to embrace what we are feeling and then let it go, but that is exactly the most healthy thing to do.

Awhile ago I heard a fantastic example about letting go- when toddlers play with toys, they will pick something up, and then drop it to grab the next thing that catches their eye. Toddlers will not generally overfill their arms to keep grabbing more stuff. They move on, and they are present with what they are doing. Many lessons can be gleaned from this but for now, let’s focus on the “letting go” lesson children can teach us.

I can feel what I am feeling, and then “drop it” and move on. I don’t have to let myself be overcome with an abyss of potential horrendous outcomes and future “maybe’s.” I don’t have to collude with others who feel the same way so we can all swim in a pool of sadness. I can lift myself up and choose something different. How?

First of all, discipline. Straight up Self Love Rockstar discipline. For example, for some extra support over my freaked out thoughts, I played Louise Hay affirmations in the background about safety and well being almost the entire day today. I allowed myself a conversation or two with a close friend for a few minutes wallowing and then moved on. The best thing I can do for me is to realize that:

  1. I am safe
  2. The Universe loves me
  3. Everything is always (and all ways) working out for me

Being a rockstar is not fluffy like dressing up in a tutu and waving a magic wand (although that would be a blast). Sometimes being a rockstar means getting our hands dirty and doing the mental work… but the payoff is worth it.

Now it’s time to make your move… I challenge you rockstar the next time you may find yourself sliding down the slippery slope of powerlessness… to snap yourself out of it and Re-Member who you are. We’ve got this!

Body Self Love

Self Love and Our Body Image

Do you love it when you hear someone “spiritual” say in a peaceful calm way with a smile at you, “You need to love your body?” I don’t. I know it’s true ultimately, but how exactly do I love my body when everything around me tells me I have to look like someone else? It seems like a foreign concept really.

I am around 5’2” and do not look like a magazine cover. I will never look like a runway model. That doesn’t mean I am not beautiful in my own way though. Anyway… back to the subject at hand…

Loving our bodies… to be honest this is still a challenge for me. I work on this daily. In many regards I get my Rockstar love on regular,  but loving and accepting my body? This one is a tough one….

Like this morning when I had a rare moment of quiet in my home and decided to do some yoga. Everything was going great. I was feeling quite warrior-like and strong–until I came to a pose called the shoulder stand. Essentially this is where we lift our legs up pointing towards the sky while supporting our back and tucking our chin into our neck, like this:

Self Love Body Yoga Shoulder Stand | Self Love Rockstar

My shirt slowly rolled up and then there I was, looking at my belly. I should first preface this by saying my three awesome Rockstar daughters absolutely LOVE my squishy post-baby belly. I sooo wish I felt the same. I try to look at it and feel appreciative for the home it provided 3 times to my children. Even my husband loves my body (miraculously and thankfully). But ME…loving the odd shaped squishy belly? This one is a tough one.

I’m working on it. I am not perfect. I want to love every inch of me, but self love and self acceptance is a journey. Sometimes it feels like a battle I do not always win. I still get up the next morning and start again. And that’s the point Rockstars- we focus on the incremental steps of change and growth. It’s not necessary to instantly wake up and love yourself (although that would be cool). What’s important is loving yourself a little bit more each day.

That’s about as real as I can get with you all Now I’m going to practice what I preach and focus on loving myself a little bit more today. One of the great resources that help me is using EFT (the Emotional Freedom Technique). For a great free resource on YouTube on how to love yourself a bit more, try this awesome short EFT exercise HERE and let us know how it works for you. You’ve got this!

Self Love Learning | Self LoAve Rockstar
Self Love Learning

Tony Robbins is Not My Guru But…

He IS an amazing teacher and resource for growth, self love tools, and transformation.

Ironically my first venture back into work after being a stay at home mom for 10 years was as an outbound sales rep for one of his partner companies.

At that time I had never been to a love Tony Robbins event and quite frankly was intimidated by even the thought of it. My impression at the time was that he would push me to do things I wasn’t ready to do. His strength on tapes (yes tapes) was super intense for me at the time. He actually describes breakthroughs as being that moment where we decide “enough is enough.” I wasn’t ready for major change until several years later. I was invited to an “Unleash the Power Within” event as a platinum guest, which meant I got to sit in the front section. What I experienced was completely different than what I expected.

Tony’s sincerity and caring comes through right off the bat. It is obvious he absolutely loves what he does. He clearly wants to help people get past their own limitations and into self love, acceptance and living the most outstanding life we can live.

His methods are nontraditional, helping participants shift old patterns and lock in new ones. Also, he plays full out, teaching for long 14-16 hour days in what he calls “total immersion” learning for the best results. By the end of UPW I felt incredible– more alive, resolved, excited for life, self loving, and with a renewed sense of purpose and elevated standard. I haven’t looked back since!

By far this seminar has been the most profound personal growth experience to date.. When I left the seminar I felt like a light switch had been turned on that had been dimmed for many years, and that I could dream again. If you feel this may be the right time for you to majorly transform your life, step into self love in a real way, and overall kick some major Rockstar ass, see which Tony Robbins event may be the right one for you. You will never look back. As one of the song states in the seminar “Life will never be the same.”

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