Making big (or small) decisions can be stressful and we need to make them on a daily basis. At work decisions have to be made all the time. If you have children you need to decide what to make (or buy) them for breakfast/lunch/dinner, and there is endless logistics to decide and plan every day. With family we need to make short and long-term decisions. With ourselves you need to decide what to wear every day, what to eat, prepare,  and with life in general- always decisions, decisions, decisions!

Sometimes at the end of a busy day I do not want to decide one… more… thing. I literally will tell my husband (or children) to decide for themselves whatever it is they are asking me about. I am DONE for the day.

But the decisions I’m mainly referring to here are larger ones, like “Should I take this new job?” Or, “is it the right time to move?” So they revolve more around change, where the answer affects many things and people. How to decide? Sometimes we are clear and the answer comes right away, but other times we need to use tools to find the answer.

Rockstar Decision Making Tool

I was recently a little bit stuck in a decision and used this tool myself. I wanted to attend a Tony Robbins event and felt really clear that I wanted to be there, but not clear in what capacity I wanted to be there. Did I want to attend as a participant or as a crew member supporting and serving others (which I haven’t done yet)? The answer felt really foggy for me. I began using the Rockstar Decision Making Tool and the answer became really clear really quickly.

If you are struggling with a decision, consider using this visual Rockstar Check-In tool:

1. Sit quietly and close your eyes
2. Think clearly about the decision in question without making it too elaborate
   1. When you ask the question, refrain from saying “should I” and instead consider the phrase “what is in the highest good for me and others? This or That?”
3. Picture a “Yes” on the left and a “No” on the right (or the two different choices one on each side), or each of the options one on each side *** It is essential to only have 2 choices here!
4. Imagine a white light in the center of your heart and see which side it goes to when you ask the question. Be patient with this part
   • Alternatively you can physically hold your hands up (similar to your hands becoming a scale palms up above your waist) and see which one moves down or feels heavier when you ask the question
5. Don’t overthink this! Do this exercise multiple times if you are unsure (but usually the first answer is the most aligned one)

Using this tool has helped me so many times throughout the years, and the best part is that once the guidance comes I feel a sense of peace- there is no wavering back and forth- there is decision and clarity.

The challenge for this week Self Love Rockstars is to think of a decision you’ve been putting off and use this Rockstar Decision Making Tool! Let us know how it works for you! Giddy Up!

I’m not sure exactly what it is, but for some reason even though many of us have tons of resources and tools we can use to feel good and love ourselves more.  It seems like we inconveniently forget them from time to time. Haven’t you ever heard someone say (or said yourself), “I know, I know, I need to do that.” or “Oh yes I forgot- I will do that right away?” I’m not sure why we forget the tools except that we sometimes block ourselves from receiving happiness.

Here is an example, I was out of town and staying in a hotel for the night close to the airport. In a different hotel room was another self love rockstar. I heard the airport (and saw the courtesy ear plugs) and instead went to YouTube and found an awesome “sleep reprogramming” music/affirmation combo to play for 6 hours. I slept fantastic. My friend, on the other hand, slept terrible. When I mentioned the affirmation music she said, “Of course, why didn’t I think of that?” and then that evening proceeded to use a tool she already knew about but had forgotten.

There are tons of examples like that. Whenever I hear about a specific kind of meditation or starting the day with the right intention it always reignites my passion to have that daily practice in my life. Why do I ever stop? To say “I get busy” doesn’t feel like a good enough answer. I guess I stop making it a priority for some reason.

The point is, there are TONS of rockstar tools we all know… but forget. So that is why we need to hear them, read about them, get trainings about them, and be reminded again and again…  until the practice of using them is so ingrained we do not forget.

Another example is going to live seminars. I went to a Tony Robbins “Unleash the Power Within” seminar 2 years ago and then went again almost a year ago. The actual basic content was the same, but I got so much more the second time. Why? The main reason is that  I was reminded of the tools and resources to help me change my emotional state. After the second time going to the seminar, I more deeply incorporated the practices and tools I learned because as Tony says, I got them more “in my body.” In other words, I have made made using the tools more of a habit.

Challenge for the week: assess your toolbox and pick a resource you haven’t used in a while and use it this week. I am going to use the “talking to my intuition” tool I’m enjoying (thanks to Jess Lively). Let’s go for it rockstars! Giddy up!

Yesterday I got absolutely blasted by another person, Self Love Rockstars. Somehow my actions caused a really strong re-action inside of him and he wanted to let me know (in detail) for almost 45 minutes.

Now, I consider myself to be an effective, open communicator on the whole, so the conversation threw me for a loop.

Of course I felt those lingering “Crap, I did something wrong” voices come up while he was speaking, but thanks to the rockstar work I’ve been doing I was able to distance myself from those voices and listen from a more “contained” space. By “contained” I mean neutral and somewhat distant in terms of not taking his words “in”.

Also, I quickly ascertained that no matter what I said I would not be able to make things right with him. I did try, believe me. I apologized for the misunderstanding and miscommunication several times. I acknowledged him and what he was saying, even though I did offer an alternative perspective. Still though, after the whole long uncomfortable conversation, he said that I “dismissed” him and was not satisfied.

So what do I do with that? Well first I was really pissed. I wasted my time on that call with him when I could have ended it after 5 minutes if I’d have known the result would have been the same! Then I felt bad. Then the voices of me making a mistake tried to creep in louder. What could I have done differently? All of that. I used self-talk to silence those voices and move on, but did reflect on what I could learn from the whole interaction.

In our family we have been working to embrace the “failing forward” concept of making mistakes. I made a big mistake. I mean, not in the grand scheme of things because there are no mistakes… but I was careless and in a rush and this guy felt unimportant and insulted. Now even though I am not responsible for his feelings, I definitely got the message from the Universe telling me to slow down and pay more attention to details.

Back to taking things personally. This person’s reaction really had NOTHING to do with me- at all. He was in whatever space he was in and his perception and interpretation of an action brought up emotions for him. Other people’s reactions are NEVER about you. How we react to other’s reactions is all about us, and that’s what we can shift. But I couldn’t make it better for this man at all. He was where he was and while I apologized and acknowledged him, I did not cower to him because that would not honor me. At any point he could have communicated with me (instead of creating a bunch of misperceptions and getting upset). No one is a victim and we are all responsible for ourselves.

So rockstars… the challenge for today is to reflect back on a recent (or not so recent) argument you had with someone that was blaming you for something. Notice what your reactions were (or are when you think of it now) and remind yourself that the other person’s reactions and emotions are theirs alone. You do not have to take on the burden of other people’s emotions and happiness. You can send them love but you are only responsible for you and again, we are not victims. Giddy up rockstars!

Being a rockstar- a true self love rockstar, feels like it’s all about playing full out and setting high standards for ourselves. This makes life fun, exciting, and helps us thrive and fully embody our own brilliance. Sometimes though… more often than not, that lifestyle can create a “Go! Go! Go!” mentality where we don’t really stop, breathe, and reflect.

Life is all about balance. Working all the time isn’t so great and playing all  the time isn’t either. Even if we love what we do for work… taking a break (especially for you entrepreneurs out there) is essential to increasing success. When we take a break to be present and stop for just a moment throughout the day- the difference in our quality of life and in the rest of our productivity is measurable.

What kinds of things am I talking about? It can be as simple and small as stopping and taking a deep breath periodically throughout the day. It can be rejuvenating with nature by going for a walk/run. Taking a break can happen connecting with friends or family, or even watching a funny movie to replenish our inner cups.

When we do things totally unrelated to work, even if only for a few hours, we come back to work  refreshed and with new ideas. It helps us flow downstream instead of fighting the current in terms of ideas, solutions, and overall success in both our personal and professional lives.

This weekend I did my typical wrap up Friday evening from the week- carrying forward the tasks I didn’t have a chance to complete and organizing them for Monday. Then I did not open my computer until Sunday night (now at 9 pm). I DID NOT OPEN IT ONCE!

Sometimes I am bubbling over with ideas and can’t wait to get to work, but this weekend I really enjoyed spending time with family and having “me” time. I even took a bath! Maybe that doesn’t seem like a big deal, but with 3 kids it’s a big deal to squeeze in a bath!

The point is that now I have more to give- to work… to myself… to my husband… to my children… and to the world.

Meghan Trainor has a great song “I love me” that I play around the house so the kids can hear it and get used to being self love rockstars too… I never grew up hearing that we should love ourselves first- I grew up thinking that was selfish! Now I know better… when we nurture ourselves first, our own proverbial  cups overflow and we can serve others.

Part of filling our cups comes from not pushing or “doing” all the time. Even if it’s challenging. Take a break! Even if you aren’t comfortable with a whole weekend or whole day, take an hour or two.

The challenge for the next week is to take a break (in your own way). Commit to giving yourself some time to focus on things other than work. Share with us what you are doing and we can support each other. Giddy up rockstars!