More and more people in the personal growth space are talking about “setting boundaries.” What does that mean? I always visualize a boundary as literally taking a stick and drawing a line in the sand in front of me creating a personal space. If someone is speaking to me disrespectfully or rude, I will mention something about it and “set a boundary.” I am not rude about it, and I didn’t always feel comfortable doing it. Now it feels amazing. Setting a boundary can be as polite as, “Please don’t speak to me that way,” or simply walking away. A good question to ask yourself is whether or not you have healthy boundaries with others.
Do you find yourself more comfortable letting someone say something rude to you and making an excuse for them rather than calling them out on it? Do you give in to your parents or children when they want something to avoid confrontation? What about with work… are you taken advantage of in that environment or do you find yourself taking on more projects than you truly feel comfortable with?
One of the side effects of having a lack of self love in one’s life is also an issue with setting boundaries and “claiming” space. If we don’t feel worthy to even love ourselves, who are we to ask someone to stop doing something or leave us alone? In the journey of loving ourselves more, a great exercise is to practice setting healthy boundaries in all areas of your life- with loved ones, friends, colleagues, even bosses or other authority figures.
How?
Starting small is key. Start at the bottom of a staircase setting little boundaries and take one step at a time. Before you know it you will look back and be halfway up the stairs with confidence and healthy boundaries. An example of a small boundary step would be as simple as not taking action right away on something requested of you, or saying “yes” right away. Instead of answering a call, replying to an email right away, or saying “sure,” before committing to something you may not really feel like doing, instead consider pausing or saying “let me check” or “let me think about that.” This sends a message to the Universe that says “my needs are important.”
A bigger step may be declining an invitation somewhere (even if you don’t have other plans— just because you don’t want to go!) or not taking care of something right away for work. I’m not suggesting everyone gets fired for not doing their job- simply that sometimes prioritization means that all work does not get completed (at the expense of your quality of life) and that it doesn’t honor you or show your rockstar self love yumminess to let other people dictate what you do, when you do it, and how often.
I’m saying that- yes here it comes— it is OKAY to be “self-ish” and for those escalating the staircase journey of self love, it is ESSENTIAL!
Rockstar Self Love Challenge for the week- say “no” to someone or something at least 2 times this week and see how it feels! (For those of you who find this easy we will have a “say yes” challenge in the near future too) 🙂 A great song is Meghan Trainor’s “No” to get you started. Giddy up rockstars!
