Every since I can remember, I have loved sweets. When I was in elementary school, I would sneak over and buy candy at school whenever I could. At the grocery store I practiced my puppy dog stare at the bakery section until a nice person behind the counter asked if I wanted to sample a cookie. It didn’t matter that I am lactose intolerant and have a pretty strong reaction to any kind of dairy products (like chocolate for example). I suffered the consequences and pretty much had a stuffy nose throughout childhood, despite my mother’s best efforts.
In junior high and high school, I took pride in my ability to eat the most candy out of everyone (probably the way some drinkers take pride in their ability to ‘hold their liquor”). I never thought about it as a problem or issue until recently.
When I started dieting in high school, I found all kinds of unhealthy artificial alternatives so I could still have my “sweets.” First I switched to “nonfat” items and later I switched to honey, maple syrup, and organic sugar. I still felt the daily pull and cravings. I could never have enough sugar. It wasn’t until about 7 months ago when I started a new way of eating and decided to go “cold turkey” with sugar, that things really changed. Confession #1- I still use stevia, which is still a sweetener.
Turning the Corner to Self Love
Anyway I’m doing much better now (am in great shape and overall eat incredibly healthy), but still have those days where I fall off the cliff- probably similar to any addict. Thinking of the pull towards sugar as an addiction has been helpful because it allows me to not minimize the intensity of the addiction. Confession #2- if I have a day where I let myself eat whatever I want, I tend to go really overboard and feel really nauseous afterward (like when I was growing up).
Why do I put myself through the fight? Again, I am no expert in addiction, but I am sure there are correlations with any type of addiction. Here is a happy confession (#3)- the next day I wake up and ALWAYS go back to my routine. I go to the gym and cut out all sweets including Stevia. Screw you sugar addiction- I always win in the end!
For me, the self love rockstar part is forgiving myself and as Louise Hay says “loving myself anyway”- all of me so-to-speak… even the part that still feels like it gets nourishment from sugar or sweets.
I read somewhere once that people who are drawn to sweets need more overall sweetness in their life. I feel so rich in sweetness already… so not sure emotionally what I am looking for… maybe some safety or security? Confession#4- I don’t even really enjoy the food while I’m eating it.
Also for the final and most embarrassing confession, and this is why I generally don’t have any sugar- I never feel satisfied. I could just go on and on and it doesn’t fill the void of whatever I think it’s going to fill when I start eating it- the only reason I stop is because I feel sick.
There are my confessions- open and vulnerable. I am going to love myself anyway. Your turn rockstars… find something you feel vulnerable about and share it with someone (even if it’s just yourself in the mirror) ,or share it with us- and then love yourself anyway. Giddy up rockstars!
