Yesterday I got absolutely blasted by another person, Self Love Rockstars. Somehow my actions caused a really strong re-action inside of him and he wanted to let me know (in detail) for almost 45 minutes.
Now, I consider myself to be an effective, open communicator on the whole, so the conversation threw me for a loop.
Of course I felt those lingering “Crap, I did something wrong” voices come up while he was speaking, but thanks to the rockstar work I’ve been doing I was able to distance myself from those voices and listen from a more “contained” space. By “contained” I mean neutral and somewhat distant in terms of not taking his words “in”.
Also, I quickly ascertained that no matter what I said I would not be able to make things right with him. I did try, believe me. I apologized for the misunderstanding and miscommunication several times. I acknowledged him and what he was saying, even though I did offer an alternative perspective. Still though, after the whole long uncomfortable conversation, he said that I “dismissed” him and was not satisfied.
So what do I do with that? Well first I was really pissed. I wasted my time on that call with him when I could have ended it after 5 minutes if I’d have known the result would have been the same! Then I felt bad. Then the voices of me making a mistake tried to creep in louder. What could I have done differently? All of that. I used self-talk to silence those voices and move on, but did reflect on what I could learn from the whole interaction.
In our family we have been working to embrace the “failing forward” concept of making mistakes. I made a big mistake. I mean, not in the grand scheme of things because there are no mistakes… but I was careless and in a rush and this guy felt unimportant and insulted. Now even though I am not responsible for his feelings, I definitely got the message from the Universe telling me to slow down and pay more attention to details.
Back to taking things personally. This person’s reaction really had NOTHING to do with me- at all. He was in whatever space he was in and his perception and interpretation of an action brought up emotions for him. Other people’s reactions are NEVER about you. How we react to other’s reactions is all about us, and that’s what we can shift. But I couldn’t make it better for this man at all. He was where he was and while I apologized and acknowledged him, I did not cower to him because that would not honor me. At any point he could have communicated with me (instead of creating a bunch of misperceptions and getting upset). No one is a victim and we are all responsible for ourselves.
So rockstars… the challenge for today is to reflect back on a recent (or not so recent) argument you had with someone that was blaming you for something. Notice what your reactions were (or are when you think of it now) and remind yourself that the other person’s reactions and emotions are theirs alone. You do not have to take on the burden of other people’s emotions and happiness. You can send them love but you are only responsible for you and again, we are not victims. Giddy up rockstars!
